Are you going through circumstances where you are longing to sense God’s loving embrace and hear Him whisper to you, “There’s gonna be brighter days up ahead”?
Gut-wrenching circumstances where you desperately need to experience the hope of change?
First, let me say that I am sorry for the pain you are going through right now.
I am so sorry (Rom. 12:15).
When we are hurting, the most natural response is for us to ask why it is happening to us.
To somehow try to make sense of the fiery ordeal we are going through (1 Pet. 4:12).
You might be suffering for any number of reasons.
You could be suffering simply because you are a Christian, an alien and stranger in this fallen world (1 Pet. 2:11, 20; 3:14; 4:16).
Your suffering could be the natural consequences of wrong choices you have made (Col. 3:25).
Or maybe you are suffering at the hands of someone else’s wrong choices (Gen. 37–50).
It could simply be that you are suffering because you live in a fallen world stained by sin and death (Gen. 3; Rom. 5:12).
In this world, natural disasters, terminal diseases, tragic accidents, and death are no respecters of persons (Matt. 5:45; Rom. 8:19–22).
And we set ourselves up for disappointment if we think that, just because we are Christians, we won’t experience significant suffering.
The thing is, while we are on this earth, we might not get answers to why God is allowing us to suffer.
Or, in hindsight, we might be like Joseph and be able to see the greater purposes that God wanted to accomplish through our pain (Gen. 50:20).
Regardless of whether or not we see the why behind our suffering, when we realize that God’s loving sovereignty has the final say and we choose to adopt an attitude of trusting reliance on Him in the midst of it, He promises that we will experience joy, peace, and hope (Psalm 37:3; Prov. 3:5; Isa. 26:3–4; Dan. 4:35; John 16:33; Rom. 8:28; 15:13; Eph. 1:11).
We will all go through seasons of suffering this side of eternity, and some seasons will be more severe than others.
Steven and I experienced the most painful season of our married life five years ago at this time.
I wouldn’t wish the dark circumstances we went through in 2016 on anyone.
Just reflecting on that tough season almost turns my stomach.
But God was faithful through it all (1 Cor. 1:9; 10:13; 1 Thess. 5:24; 2 Thess. 3:3).
I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror one morning putting on my makeup when I heard the Lord say (in my heart), “There’s gonna be brighter days, Kim.”
I immediately agreed with Him and said it out loud with passion: “There’s gonna be brighter days!”
I think the Christian radio station I was listening to must have also been tuned into the same frequency that God and I were on that morning during that sacred moment.
Immediately after I echoed my Father’s words, MercyMe’s song, “Move,” started playing:
I’m not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There’s gonna be brighter days
There’s gonna be brighter days
I won’t stop, I’ll keep my head up
No, I’m not here to stay
There’s gonna be brighter days
There’s gonna be brighter days
I call times like these “Kisses from the King.”
And boy, did I ever need a kiss from Him on that gloomy March morning in 2016!
These gut-wrenching circumstances started in December 2015.
Violent episodes of high morning blood pressure began to wake me up, with accompanying dizziness, nausea, vomiting, and a high heart rate.
By the end of January, 2016, I had undergone several medical tests including an echocardiogram, a kidney sonogram, a transesophageal echocardiography, a heart cath, and a kidney MRI.
Through the testing, I learned that I had a PFO – a hole in the septal wall between the left and right upper chambers of my heart and a tiny right kidney that the heart assumed I had from birth.
Though small, my kidney was still functioning, and the answer to the PFO was an aspirin a day for stroke prevention.
Both of those issues seemed to be an easy fix.
My heart doctor suspected that the secondary hypertension I was experiencing was hormone related, so he referred me to an endocrinologist.
After running several tests, my endocrinologist diagnosed me with Primary Aldosteronism, a condition where the adrenal glands secrete too much aldosterone.
I didn’t realize the adrenal glands sit on top of our kidneys (I must have been daydreaming when that was covered in Biology class).
So, my endocrinologist referred me to a kidney doc.
(I’m not sure why the words to a song I learned as a child, “the foot bone’s connected to the ankle bone” … is going through my head right now. Weird.)
After looking over my records, my kidney doc recommended I have a nuclear test in order to rule out any small tumors in my adrenal glands that could be contributing to the overproduction of aldosterone.
And that’s where I was March 23, 2016—at BSA Hospital in Amarillo undergoing the first day of a very expensive, two-day test called an Octreotide Scan.
Steven and I had prayed about whether or not to even have the test done.
We finally surmised that you can’t put a price tag on peace of mind.
And peace of mind was something I was in great need of.
My lack of peace wasn’t just due to the medical issues I was experiencing.
There was a situation going on in a significant personal relationship that had been off-kilter for far too long.
It also needed to undergo an extensive test.
And it did—right in the midst of all the medical testing I was going through.
To be honest, the personal situation felt far worse than any of the medical issues I was experiencing.
Looking back, I realize that it likely contributed to some of the medical issues.
Don’t believe anyone who tells you emotional issues do not affect you physically.
They can and they do.
They did with me.
There were times when the strain of this relationship was so bad, I broke out in hives.
I learned through counseling that any time there is lack of peace in a relationship, as far as it depends on you, you need to get to the bottom of it (Rom. 12:18).
You would think that I would know that, but I kept contributing my lack of peace to the enemy.
Back to the medical issues: It was eight days before I heard back from my kidney doc on the Octreoscan results.
I had been thinking, “No news is good news.”
Until I got the phone call on Friday, April 1, 2016.
I had just gotten comfortable with a bag of Sea Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips, a Diet Ginger Ale, and another episode of one of my favorite Netflix series, The Flash. (I love superhero shows.)
It was my kidney doc with some surprising, unsettling news.
And it was no April Fools’ joke, either.
All I was expecting was a courtesy call letting me know that my nuclear test results came back clear.
Instead I heard, “I’ve been consulting with other doctors on your results.”
“It could be a false-positive.”
“So I’m going to refer you back to your endocrinologist for more testing.”
When I asked him where the spots were, he told me they appeared to be on my right adrenal gland and a couple in my liver.
The doctors were suspecting that these spots were neuroendocrine tumors (the kind of cancer that Steve Jobs had, also known as carcinoid cancer).
In my follow-up with my endocrinologist, he told me that there wasn’t anything he could do if the cancer had already spread to my liver.
He also wanted to do more blood and urine tests and wait three months to repeat the Octreotide Scan.
Wait three months?
After getting a possible metastatic cancer diagnosis?
By that time, Steven and I were in disbelief and started researching other options.
We wanted answers then, not three months from then.
Through several phone calls, medical records transferred, and help from my dad and sister, I was able to see one of the top doctors in the country at the Rocky Mountain Cancer Center in Denver, Colorado, June 21, 2016.
By June 25, 2016 (after undergoing several tests), Steven and I were driving home from Colorado, rejoicing at the final diagnosis: No tumors!
Steven and I both believe that God did a miraculous healing in my body during that time.
We also believe that the prayers of family members and friends played a role in my healing.
In my newest book, “His Banner over Me Is Sustaining Love” (due to release this summer), I share more details about this season of intense suffering and God’s faithfulness in the midst of it.
I realize that you may have gone through (and may still be going through) much more difficult circumstances than Steven and I were five years ago.
I also realize that your story of significant suffering may not have a happy ending on this earth.
But, if you are a believer in Christ, I want to encourage you.
God promises us that there will be no end to the brightness we will experience with Him throughout eternity:
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:1-4)
“The city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God has illumined it, and its lamp is the Lamb.” (Revelation 21:23)
(If you are suffering and would like for me to pray for you, please contact me.)
In this post, I shared with you how God ministered to me through the MercyMe song “Move” in the midst of this season of intense suffering.
And now, every time I hear this song on the radio, I can’t help but dance and shout, “Thank You, Lord, for much brighter days!”
I pray that you will be encouraged as you listen to this hope-filled song:
*If you enjoyed this post, then I think you would enjoy my books where I share about the incredible hope we have as believers in Christ.
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